do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize