he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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