jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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