I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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