you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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