I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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