just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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