he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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