It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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