I hope my margaritas pass through security.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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