i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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