A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
God I need to hump something, right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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