I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
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fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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