Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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