I want to make a zoo with you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Everyone says I win the strip club
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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