just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize