you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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