I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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