Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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