well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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