the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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