About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
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He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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