I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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