Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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