Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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