woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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