yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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