How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize