oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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