The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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