I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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