Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize