went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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