I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize