This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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