How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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