That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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