using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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