The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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