God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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