I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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