i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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