i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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