I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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