Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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