How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize