that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize