my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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