BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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