A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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